When Weirdos Become Assholes

“You’re weird, you like weird music, you say weird things, you make weird stuff– you’re weird,” says an average person to a weirdo.

“Thank you. and you’re so… sooo…. (yawn)… hmm… well, you’re everyone else (yawn again)… (stare)… (grin),” the weirdo ponders aloud in return.

The average person asks, “What does that mean?”

“Are you sure you want me to answer that question?”– the weirdo retorts.

“Yes,” answers the average fuck.

“Ok… well then. I didn’t want to flat out state that I think you might be of a lower intellect– you know, you might be an idiot. I can’t flat-out state that without a few test results. That’s what I mean!”: The weirdo thinks up a reply without speaking, laughing and staring back at the average person.

“Why are you laughing? Gah, you’re so weird!”; says a frustrated average person.

“It’s funny, you know?”; says the weirdo, still laughing.

“No, I don’t know. What’s so funny?”; the average person asks.

“You’re funny– you!  You’re funny.  You’re not alone. You’re everywhere, every day. You and yours. Funny!”; offers the weirdo.

“I don’t get it. Funny? Me? I’m funny?”; says the average person, now annoyed.

“Yes, you!” answers the weirdo.

“That’s not nice,” replies the average person, now upset.

A warm stare and soft grin gives way to firecrackers shooting from behind the weirdo’s eyes and teeth.

You know what’s not nice? You’re not nice. I didn’t ask you for your fucking opinion of me, my tastes in music, my words, thoughts, and anything else you consider to be weird. Anyone ever inform you that YOU are the worst type of weirdo? You. Yes, you. You are the fucking weirdo; an idiot, an amateur, a strangely proud, condescending individual with zero tact. The worst kind of weirdo there is– and now look at me, I’m you. I’ve become YOU.  Good work. How do I feel right now judging you?  Well, I have zero empathy for higher intellect– that’s how I feel. Is that how you feel when you call someone a weirdo without them asking for it?  Huh?  You fuck. You fucking fuck-fuck-fuck. You are normal and strive to fit in with others; to walk the grain, to remain in the shadows of others. What a waste of a life. Now, get the fuck out of my life and back to your little farm where you can walk the line straight into the slaughterhouse with the rest of the cattle you selfish fucking fuck of a person.

The weirdo finally breathes and smiles, relieved.

“Oh my God– you are such an asshole,” cries an average person to the weirdo, now the asshole.

Average is and shall always be average.


When Weirdos Become AssholesAndy Whorehall

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