Well Sweetheart, I’ll take the Denver Omelette- and can you replace everything in that with bacon? Ray asked the waitress at the Egg Harbor Cafe. Tina, with the name card, says, I can but then it ain’t gonna be a Denver Omelette.
I know that, and you know that, but do you thank anyone else in here knows that the Thompson Twins weren’t twins? Shit, they weren’t even triplets. All bacon & you can call that whatever you want but you will call me Ray ray by tomorrow morning. – Breakfast with Ray Tarte
By Ray Tarte | Transcribed by Andy Whorehall
They weren’t even twins. Another Monday morning myth with my sock monkey man, Andy, eatin eggs and bacon, talkin shop and talkin Thompson Twins myths, exposed. Hold Me Now, now there’s a pop song. Whichever version you prefer, I’ll take the 12 Extended Mix on a Monday morning like this, eating eggs, being talked down to by the waitress. (You’re a waitress- in Rockford, IL. Best you STFU Dawg.*) But then again, I knows for a facts she be makin more than me with my useless college degree in this shady town.
Speakin of, man, I was datin this one girl in 1999 and she be waitin tables at night at the Ruby Tuesdays comin home smellin like onion rings. This one particular night was straight outta Hold Me Now. She was like, Ray ray, hold me now, let the lovin begin! And I’m one for startin the engines but I couldn’t help but cry foul baby! She be trippin, rippin off pop songs to get my erections goin and by then, uh uh, no more, man. No more trippin, rippin off my favorite 80s pop songs. Needless to say looking back, an argument about the Thompson Twins’ Hold Me Now kept us up all night arguing about why she be plagiarizing for romance. The final straw came to me saying the 12 Extended Mix was better than the original. She disagreed and left for good.
I said, Baby, you high. 12 Extended Mixes are always better than the original because there’s less talk. Less talk, more lovin. Bottom line you be trippin. She didn’t like that; Ray ray, so what you sayin? I talk too much?! No, no baby that ain’t what I was sayin, I was sayin- No no Ray ray, you ain’t sayin another gah damn word to me and I aint sayin another word to you- we done baby- you can have your 12 Extended Mix. I gots to go get some pancakes with my boy Roy.
What? Who the hail es Roy?
I’ve never figured that out; but I still say, ‘the 12 Extended Mix of Hold Me Now is my Monday morning jam.’ You get that waitress’s name? She be fine. Tina, mmm. Denver Omellette, ask for all bacon- works every time. Ungh.
RT | AW