Horrorscopes: 12-13-2010 | Cancer

You’re so stinking happy that others around you, The FFFFC (The Fake Facebook Friends Forevah Club), won’t Like anything nice you have to say on Facebook dot com.

By Mossy Vaughn & Andrew Whorehall  |  12-13-2010


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Cancer,

Cancer,
Shiny happy person. Today your individuality will really shine, try showing off the qualities that make you different and unique. Be prepared for the mean looks, OMGS & WTFS from The FFFFC (The Fake Facebook Friends Forever Club), especially online.  Expect no one to Like you or your positive, happy, ‘life is great’ status updates. If the negativity starts to weigh you down, use your status updates to tell others your most unique desires, or make up nonsense like your FFFF, Ray Tarte, does.  Even if you feel they are not as positive as your laundry and dishes, fed the kids, updates- they’re not negative and people do not get angry at Ray-Ray’s statuses like they get mad at you when you wish everyone to Smile, the sun is out! Have a nice day LOL!  Yawn, Cancer, are you kidding me? That makes everyone angry. See below, this is the best of Ray’s 2010  status updates collected to show you how to positively entertain The FFFFC members whilst maintaining your precious individual shine.

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HAHAHA!

Just because you don’t find it positive doesn’t mean the same people who are irritated by your shiny happy disposition won’t laugh finally- that’s how you defeat negativity, Cancer, with positive stupidity.  Some of your friends will say you’re being negative but you will look them in the eye and say with a smile, HAHAHA!  FARK HUE CRAYSEE FRAND!  HUE ES SOUL CRAYSEE!  EYE MAKEUH THE JOLKS!  WATT HUE MAKE?! BABIES?!  PANTIECAKES?!  OL GOT EYE LIKUH THE PANCAKES!  HUE ES SOUL CRAYSEE!  FARK HUE MEANIE!  FARK HUE LONG THYME! HAHAHA!

Tell them all what you (HUE) really think about how happy you’ve been via your (YORE) status updates on facebook (what you will now refer to as FACEFOOT DOLT COME).  All of your FFFFC members will hold on tight to every new chipper phrase you send them with one click about how happy you are. Tell them all how you want to run through downtown Chicago during the Christmas season in high heels and a cape shouting at children and their high highfalutin parents.  Your positivity will shine the brightest when your cape flies off.  Some will scream, some will laugh, but it could be the day you meet your future spouse, Cancer.  You’re always thinking positive even if you have a spouse already; because you’re still shiny, you’re still neatly trimmed (but not bald) and you’re sure as hell happy!  GOAL DUE ET, CANCER!  EYE NO HUE CAN!!

MV | AW

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{Mossy Vaughn prepared a bacon-wrapped turkey breast with his bare hands, put it in the oven, cooked it and ate it. / Andrew Whorehall poured coffee into a coffee cup, put it into the microwave to reheat and forgot he left it there because he went outside to find the newspaper and ended up seeing one of his tires was flat leading to another 2 hours wasted looking for a gas station that had an air compressor that worked.  Typical day in Rockford, IL. – SMS Ed.}

Horrorscopes: 12-13-2010 | CancerAndy Whorehall
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