The Doors (The Worst)


Godfathers of Buffoon Rockâ„¢

Posing purveyors of pathetic poetry from baritone barflys:
The Doors, the worst.

By Andrew Whorehall

Few bands rile up as much classic rock love or disgust amongst music fanatics as The Doors.  Just so there’s no guessing from the get-go, this entry is about one of the worst, dare to be different, ‘art’ bar bands to inspire and influence a degenerative string of other terrible bar bands.

First, there’s The End, opening Apocalypse Now.  Director, Francis Ford Coppola can take credit for that.  Secondly, there’s hot chicks in tight vintage, jersey styled tour shirts with Jim Morrison’s, ‘Jesus without a Beard,’ pose that passes the eyes’ approval every few years.  Two positive points involving The Doors aren’t enough to ignore a conclusion that’s taken almost 4 decades for to accept;  The Doors simply suck.   They stand as purveyors, flame igniters for a movement I’ll hereby dub,

Buffoon Rock.â„¢

 

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What is it about The Doors, after years of trying to find a reason outside of the opening scene to Coppola’s masterpiece or a breast filled tour shirt, that I can’t bear to listen to these guys’ music?

1)   The Doors have individual names that make the skin cringe.  The thought of typing them out as I’m about to or watching one of them (Manzarek, a wanna-be jazz man) talking in music DVD commentaries encourages remote control spasms.  This also applys to hearing their names mentioned in an NPR, Sound Opinions, or other music & media related formats.  Jim Morrison, Robbie Krieger, Phil Manzarek, and John Densmore.  Those four names in rock history are as viral and potentially dangerous to your aural health as much as Nickelback, Creed, Bono, and Celine Dion.  The only aural virus that is deadlier than the above mentioned is to watch, listen and actually enjoy American Idol without irony.

2)  Oliver Stone.  His generation created greed, consumption, disease, reasons to doubt, don’t believe.  He explores these characteristics in just about every movie he makes regarding American pop culture or American history.  Stone explored a musical pop culture disease called, The Doors.  Stone’s character interpretations of the band and their fat frontman are bloated, overplayed, drugged out.  After seeing this at a young age I thought, Morrison was not a writer, he was a fat, drunk idiot.  Thank you, Mr. Stone, I still think this is the case.  We’ll continue this point below.

3)  Their songs. Except The End, most all ‘Doors’ songs are terrible explorations from American music’s ground zero, Los Angeles, and the late 60s, drug-fueled movement:  blues-acid-rock-jazz-psychedelia.  Art school rich kids get high and write bad Californian poetry while pretending to understand jazz.   Morrison’s drunk, bellowing, asinine vocal proclamations are horrifying- and not in a good, painful ‘Ian Curtis’ way;  more like a drunk, drugged-up Indian wandering through a trash can in the desert for a midnight meal.

4)  Jim Morrison was not a good writer.  Take a whiff of Jim Morrison’s, The Opening of The Trunk:

Can you dig it.
My meat is real.
My hands- how they move
balanced like lithe demons
My hair- so twined & writhing
The skin of my face- pinch the cheeks
My flaming sword tongue
spraying verbal fire-flys
I’m real.
I’m human
But I’m not an ordinary man

This is insane.

My meat is real.  I hope it was.  Read it, feel it, digest it.  He is right, he is not an ordinary man.  Jim Morrison as a writer, poet, lyricist, was just another barfly buffoon.  Words written with an empty bottle times two to twenty-two.  Garbage.

5)  The Doors made it possible for band front-men just as bloated on drunk, baritone buffoonery to have successful, pretentious careers as well.  Early in his career, Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam) practically stole all of Jim Morrison’s holier than thou moves.  Toss in self-loathing and sorta similar vocal-trocities and there ya go, make millions. Enter Layne Stanley*, CAndlebox man, Scott Weiland (his solo material, particularly his first record, surprisingly speaks otherwise), Scott Stapp (Creed) came next and then that one guy from Disturbed.  Whoever he is- blame Morrison.  Difference between all of them, Morrison actually died as a young buffoon.  Fortunately for the others mentioned, they haven’t;  being alive, commercially successful, artistically doubted is still better than being a dead rock star buffoon who wrote atrocious poetry. *{Editors note: Lane Stanley is dead}

The Doors, by default, are 100% responsible for Buffoon Rock.â„¢  Blame them for every ‘baritoned’ barfly posing with pathetic poetry. The Doors soundtracked a country, high & hedonistic, falling apart while ultimately defining a baby boomer generation that caused so many problems my generation and those after mine will never be able to fix.  The Baby Buffooners.â„¢ No wonder Mr. Morrison copped out at age 27;  he may have realized what he’d be remembered for if he didn’t disguise it in his own death.  Artist?  Writer?  Neither.  A forefather for fools and another American phony:  The Buffoons’ King, Jim Morrison.

Doors fans, I’m not sorry, you just got whorehalled.

AW

The Doors (The Worst)Andy Whorehall
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29 comments on "The Doors (The Worst)"

  1. Agreed. When met with their mention, the only acceptable response is, "I fucking hate the Doors." I mean it. I hate the Doors more than the Eagles. Morrison made is impossible for me to read anything by Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine is tainted. I wish he had grown to be an old man. Paunchy, and puffy, and immobile, trying to convince a state fair crowd that he was, "deep," and "out there." At least then we could forget about him. That's the true fate Morrison deserved.

  2. Yes. I do that on accident anyway. Now on to some thoughts I have about that Donald Faison guy from Steely Dan. I don't care for anything he's ever written.

    • Progged out rock is ok when Robert Fripp is involved, or the concept at hand is undeniably awesome (see Mastodon and the first couple of Mars Volta albums). There are few other times when I can stand it and I probably have a greater tolerance than most. I've got old ears. If I want technique to blow me away I'll listen to jazz. There are times for 13/8 time signature and there are times for pop music. Never the twain shall meet.

  3. I just think they are one of the most overrated bands ever in the history of rock n' roll.

  4. Nice post, AW. Jim Morrison was a loser. There's simply no defending their nonsense. Their only fans are classic rock dj's who think they're still vital and frat boys who have no taste in anything and think that a frappucino is coffee. The same thing goes for Janis Joplin. Did she ever write a thank you note to Kristofferson? How many people that love her hippy ways even realize that she didn't write her most famous song? On another note, tell those in hell to leave Kerouac out of this. If they would only READ his books instead of passing judgment based on assumption they would understand his genius.

    • In Joplin's defense, Big Brother and the Holding Company was a mighty powerful band. She only lost all of her luster and appeal when she signed a solo record deal.

      On the other hand, Kerouac is an entirely confusing author. Much of what he wrote has achieved dramatically overblown importance. That shouldn't diminish his true skill as a scribe and innovator.

      • Point taken about Joplin, Danger. She really tried, didn't she? I have to ask, how is Kerouac confusing? On the Road is one of the most straight forward, travelogue, buddy books that I've ever read. It's a simple formula. Dharma Bums and Big Sur and Subterraneans are confusing, but On the Road is very accessible. Have you read it? If so, what do you think is confusing about it?

        • I should have chosen a different word. It is not Kerouac's writing itself that is confusing but his reputation. I meant to suggest that it is difficult to separate Kerouac's myth from his actual accomplishments. On the Road (which I never actually mentioned) is pretty good, at best. The confusing part comes when people kind of treat it like the bible. I think his writings in Dharma Bums and The Subterraneans (I've not read Big Sur) stand as greater stylistic achievements.

          • I completely agree. Dharma Bums is my favorite book by him. You're right, his myth is pretty annoying. Kerouac, Neal Cassady, Ginsberg, Burroughs…all of those guys were a little too 'dare to be different' for my liking, which is not so say that each of them (sans Cassady) didn't do great things. Kerouac is the most accessible of all of them and probably the most talented. (I'll say it now: reading Allen Ginsberg is very tedious and boring.) However, Kerouac the person seemed to be a real loser…I still love On the Road though and I still don't get how Mr. 'hall can only make it to page 40 after 24 tries.

  5. Bionick alkemist on

    What a waste of a voice.
    A conversation written by a bunch of boring wanna be artsy fartsys whining about how their mommies and daddies generation screwed up the world….. Awwwwwww can't fix it awwwwwww ….
    If u don't like the doors or want to listen to em that's ur choice. 
    But How in the world can u blame them and the entire sixties generation for creating greed, consumption, disease, and self doubt …. Are u really that stupid? These things have been around since the dawn of time.  Stop blaming your parents for the worlds brutality. It's always been there and always will be. As far as morrisons poetry sucking. No s**t He was no Robert frost or Shakespeare. But who cares. It's rock music. Not 13/8 to the millionth power jazz. Rock and bleeding roll.
    Yes They have influenced sucky bands but they've also influenced a lot of great bands like….. Metallica, pantera, nine inch nails, acid bath, ween, pearl jam, the cult, blue oyster cult,  ministry, janes addiction , faith no more , glen danzig, snoop dogg, tool, iggy pop, mmmmmmmmfuggin etc etc etc. Rock groups you know it all wannabe jazz man. Rock groups. And that's another thing where the hell do u get off calling ray manzerak a wannabe jazz man? I'd say that he's at least a  pretty fricking solid organist. I'd take him in a band any day over Someone like you. Do you even play music? Do u even listen to anything but 13/8 time signature jazz? (wowee)
    I don't want to tell u how great the doors were or that u should listen or whatever cuz I know u gonna retaliate with some screwed up wannabe the most intellectual know it all in the world insults.
    And I don't want to get aggravated or mean with this post I just want to tell you, no, beg u….
    If u do play music, Could u do me a favor? Please don't ever start a band! I don't care what unique musical idea u think u have in ur brain. Don't do it!

    Whorehall. . Wow how brilliantly original. 

    You- whaaaahh if it ain't 13/8 time signature I don't want to hear it….. And its Crap crap crap. 
    Whaaaaaahh my mommy and daddy screwed up the world and I can't boohoo fix it waaaaahhhh

    • What's your beef with 13/8 time signatures and jazz? Do you have teeth? I was following your rant right up until you started name-checking bands. This site is for people with class. Anyone that refers to tool as a "great band" is a wet sandwich. You are a simpleton.

  6. "But who cares. It's rock music. Not 13/8 to the millionth power jazz. Rock and bleeding roll. "
    I'd argue that the Doors would be more compelling (or at the very least more listenable) if they had held such an attitude. They wouldn't have wasted everyone's time with their boring, gratuitous noodling.

    For the record: I prefer my jazz to be in free time.

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  10. I think the Doors were excellent for there time , there sound was completely different for what was around, a bit melancholic but at least it was there own, they kept to there own ideas, ( Rolling stones changed no sex reaction to satisfaction to suit mainstream ), They were basically middle class arts students, and thought they were putting a different angle on things,rebel a bit against a very conservative america. Whats makes them iconic , is what they did in there time, and the way in which they did it, sure Jim was a bit up his own ass but what leader singer isn’t,.
    You can’t compared Pearl Jam to the Doors, different ball game , not dissing the Jam but they would be a poor fourth cousin.
    All this talk of the 60 / 70ies, think i drop a tab this w-end and chase a white rabbit.

  11. Obviously you are to young to remember what The Doors meant to a generation. Sorry you missed it kids but no reason to act like they had no merit.

    • I think we know quite well what they meant to your, the ‘me’, generation.
      Now, my generation, the ‘write-off’ generation, has to suffer through what your generation created.
      The generation below, the WTF generation, has no chance to clean anything up- they have no idea what good music or jobs are, they only know what video games are, let alone The Doors’ decadent soundtrack to a generation that ruined this country more than it helped sustain it for future generations.
      Thanks for reading!
      AW

  12. super seriel on

    wow andy whorehall…. where do i begin, I do happen to be a doors fan, but thats my personal choice. What i felt i had to comment was your total dismissal of an entire cultural movement that maybe didnt get anything done, but it did break the mold, if it werent for that generation and that mindset there would have been no Jimmy Hendrix or Beatles or any other band that took things in a new direction. Jazz music wouldnt be what it is, in fact nothing would be what it is, and the i agree with the above poster who said that the things your blaming on the hippie generation are universal and have been there since the first man. before that movement this country was all sitting around watching howdy doody. Listen to the stuff that was around before the the 60s, rock and roll was born in the 60s or at least came into its own. I guess my point is if you dont like the doors, dont like the doors, but dont dismiss that entire generation this country has been headed in that generation long before then….

    • Thanks for commenting Super Seriel! While not the biggest Doors hater and not the biggest fan either, I agree with you on your overall point that the “boomer” generation blazing some trails; they are also screwing some shit up now that they are running things.

      I think Morrison’s overall importance in The Doors is overrated; Krieger was the real genius. Just my 2 cents. Touch Me is a classic, better than Light My Fire.

    • I was reverting to my grandparents folk, blues, Smithsonian collection before I discovered The Doors- so my disgust with The Doors can be blamed on the greatest generation for exposing me to what’s decent, true, raw and rooted in the truth vs. what the baby boomers exposed with love, drugs, greed, and corruption. My generation? We’re worthless- physically— we are worthless. We are the write-off generation; which makes me more than happy to go back to my grandparents music before your generation’s ; )

      Thanks for readin, Super Serial!
      AW

  13. Eff you guys, The Doors rock.

    This entire article is biased, arrogant nonsense supported by a bunch of biased and closed minded comments.

    But then again I am biased by loving The Doors. This argument will never end and I owe my life in Vietnam to my precious Doors cassette.

  14. Thanks for commenting Joel. You’re right – this argument will never end. Robby Krieger is still the brains behind the good songs they wrote.

  15. the doors are overrated

    the 60’s and the baby boomers produced more good music and more important and positive cultural change – than any generation in world history. Equal rights for all colors and both genders, a reluctance to go to war, freedom to dress and speak any way you like – all good, all important. If anything they didnt go far enough.

    hendrix’s first name was spelled JIMI, not jimmy

    pantera, blue oyster cult and faith no more SUCK, get real

    that is all

  16. What is really interesting inside this article, 40 years later we take about the DOORS. even if you like or not. Calculated, how many bands of this time we still continu to take. My english is understanding.

    Sébastien

  17. Birds, bees, beatles, stones, doors and blah, blah, blah. Had I known this subject would receive a bit too much attention — considering over 75% of the articles written on Sock Monkey Sound are positive and are rarely discussed upon — I would’ve written worse about this band because anyone who finds Jim Morrison’s writing to be acceptable forms of poetry should have their IP address blocked from our site’s server account.

    Plus, I have so many more words to share about how awful The Beatles are, too; because writing about ‘love’ all the time is a cop-out, an excuse for commercial acceptability when we all know at the end of the day that life isn’t that great. We’re born to die, bottom line. We’re all a punchline, some awful trick being played on us all by some greater mysterious power.

    Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
    AW

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