Editor Note: Andy finished a review on Bon Iver’s recent release but had second doubts about publishing it. It was very positive, and what have we learned here at Sock Monkey Sound about the internet and our music review readers? No one cares about commenting on positive music reviews Andy contributes—need proof? Venture through our site, the proof is in the comments area. No worries, a review of the new Bon Iver is coming soon; it is worth your wait so come back soon—but for now…
… while the rest of the world listens to Bon Iver’s new release, Bon Iver, I’d like to take this important, timely moment in history to remember the first sexy band with a Bon in its name to come from a hard-working, middle class background that wasn’t afraid of pop, metal, guitar wankery, Jersey soul or synths either; BON JOVI.
25 years ago, a man originally named at birth, John Bongiovi Jr., wrote some post-impressionistic pop-metal hits with his new band pal, Richard Steven Sambora, for what would become BON JOVI’s 3rd full length release and global breakout, Slippery When Wet. They had a little help from pop-meets-fake-metal hit maker, Desmond Child. Altogether they managed to paint a picture that rivaled Bruce Springsteen’s idea of New Jersey musically, but lyrically, longed for hot, passionate nights with sexy, dangerous women who give love a bad name. The women Jon sings about are no different than the single one Justin sings about, Emma, forever ago; but one thing separates New Jersey’s Bon from Eau Claire, Wisconsin’s, Bon: orgasmic, female moans. The intro to Social Disease serves up the first orgasm I heard come from a woman’s mouth. It also serves up the first of many, You mean that’s it?, to come from a woman’s mouth before the reverb and horns kicks in. The intro to Social Disease plays a very important role for many young boys entering their teenage years in the 80s. Cassettes rewind, play, rewind, play, repeat—who actually remembers the song? I do.
What precedes and follows Social Disease are timeless hits that emo kids couldn’t hold their Hot Pockets purchased lipstick to, let alone a cigarette lighter— the official right of passage for rockers on an anti-cool run. Proud proclamations like Let it Rock, You Give Love A (Mother-Fucking) Bad Name, Livin’ On A Prayer, Wanted Dead Or Alive and Never Say Goodbye took this little band from Jersey that could and did on a steel horse (metaphor for a tour bus) they rode hard on into the 90s.
Before we pronounce Bon Iver’s Bon Iver as the Bon of all Bon Bons, genuflect momentarily and whisper to the person next to you (or yourself), Bon Jovi – Slippery When Wet.